Delay of Game

I know people.

I haven't posted in a few days. Don't fret. I have worked on several postings and they will all be posted in a few days. For now, sorry for the wait but life happens.

With that, I'd like to leave you with a quote.

'You ever crossed the road and looked the wrong way and then hey presto there's a car on you? So what do you do.? Something really silly. You freeze, and you're life doesn't flash before you because your too scared to think. You just freeze and pull a stupid face. The pikie didn't. Why? Because he had plans on running the car over.'

Turkish - Snatch

King Spencer Evacuates Eklo (2)

(continued)

Weeks went by. And then months. The city of Eklo slowly deteriorated. Since so many people had followed after Murry the Hippo, there wasn't enough people in the city to take care of everything that needed to be taken care of.

One of the orphanages had to be closed down and combined with another due to lack of food and staffing. Many widows were having a hard time getting around the city because there wasn't anyone to run the bus system. Businesses throughout the city were closing down one after the other. The city had to close it's gates at night because there weren't enough police to keep the thieves out.

Eklo had never looked worse.

High up in the palace tower, King Spencer wept on his desk. His magic robe lay over the side of an arm chair. It had turned dark brown with several rips running through it. Several whisps of fabric trailed off the ends and draped the floor. Spencer was out of ideas.

Desperate, King Spencer called his adviser, Roy the Gironomous. 'What's the status of the city?' Spencer asked.

'It isn't pretty,' Roy answered. 'There are only a few businesses still running, and those will probably close within the week. There isn't enough food anywhere with most of the grocery stores clothes. Most of the farmers have already left to find food for their crops elsewhere. If we don't implement a plan of action soon, the orphans and widows may starve.'

'There is nothing else to try,' Spencer responded. 'There just aren't enough people to make ends meet. All of our programs and plans don't work without the people working together to make the city a success.'

Spencer walked over to his terrace overlooking the now darkened city. 'We must evacuate the city.'

'Are you sure?' Roy sounded alarmed.

'I have no choice,' said Spencer. 'It is the smartest thing left to do. Load everyone left in the city into the vans and travel North to Thotwel. Maybe there they can find a new place to start over. Have a few men stay behind and board up all the windows of all the shops.'

Several hours later, all the buses pulled out of the city with it's last remaining people. Then the city was empty except for Roy and Spencer. 'Where's your magic robe?' asked Roy.

'I left it in the tower,' Spencer answered sadly. 'If there is no one in the city, then the robe isn't magic anymore. It's just a dirty rag.'

With that, Spencer shut and locked the final city gate. Then he turned North and began his long journey to see the King of Thotwel.

(to be continued)

Gym Motivation

Today I went to the gym like I typically do on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have already mentioned my loathing of the mirrors at the gym in a previous blog so I wont bring that up again here (but I hate them).

After about an hour, I could feel my muscles giving out and my left shoulder started to spasm which gave me a good reason to call it a day. On my way to the locker room, I had to pass by all the treadmills, stair steppers, and running machines.

On one of the stair climbers near the end I saw this huge dude (not in the obese Santa sense but in the 24" biceps sense) with a giant 'H' tattooed down his left arm. I don't know what the 'H' stood for.

As I passed behind him I noticed he was reading a magazine while he climbed his stairs. Maybe 'reading' isn't the right word. More like staring, because the magazine that was keeping his attention was some form of a 'Playboy-type' magazine and two naked women were folded up on the pages. At first, I didn't realize what I was seeing.

I must have jerked funny. Maybe I spasmed. I don't really know. But whatever I did got the guys attention. So, not wanting to be rude I choked out, 'What the heck is that?'

Probably not the best question I could have asked.

He laughed and said, 'They keep me motivated. As soon as I lose a couple more pounds I am going to be -(quotation edited at this point for the children)- some of this.'

I stared at the guy like my cat sometimes stares at me, with a mixed sense of curiosity and disdain. You can't really see the look I am trying to explain but trust me...it would probably make you uncomfortable.

I didn't respond to him, just smiled and went my way. I guess he is a typical American male. Maybe the world just assumes all men are like this. Maybe the men of today's post-post-modern world are supposed to view women as meat. Chunks of flesh on a centerfold. I see this example in sports, movies, billboards, clothing, perfume, car commercials - and I thought the woman's liberation movement was doing so well.

Sometimes in the past, I have endured my mother's rantings about how men are all scumbags and perverts. Although I have tried to laugh her off before,

Today she wins.

Survey Says...

Please take my little survey off to the side. It will help me know what you guys would like to see more of here. No sense in droning on and on about things you dont care about.

The End of Santa...

So I am driving up to Taco Bell because of the severe food shortage in my fridge. This is not my wife's fault. No, I just don't want to dig around in there and figure out how to make something for myself when she isn't home. And Taco Bell is 2 minutes away.

Really, I am minding my own business, trying not to look at the snotty blond woman in the BMW in front of me that cut in line in the drive through. I am trying not to be in any way judgmental or bitter. I am trying to convince myself to turn the other cheek and not throw my chewing gum out the window at her car. And I don't buy her stupid 'Honor Students' bumper sticker either.

While I wait, I decide to turn on the radio and listen to the latest news.

According to news from the U.K...

Jolly Old Saint Nick is going on a diet. Apparently, Santa Clause is obese. He is no longer being allowed to be his jolly fat self because he must think of the example he is setting for the children of the world.

This year, Santa is getting himself a gym membership for Christmas. This year, Santa wont have to perform magic to climb down your 4" flu-pipe chimney. Rather, he will slide down the pole in his boxers, showing off his newly formed pec muscles and abs.

Think of the example you are setting for the children Santa! You are non-verbally teaching the children that it is OK to be fat. It is OK to be obese. It is OK to have a bowl full of jelly as a belly. If you're not careful Santa, Al Gore may come after you next as a co-contributer to the world's destruction and ruination of the species. All these fat kids running around need to be taught that being skinny is next to being godly.

So throw away those red furry decorations of the former obese Santa that you may have on your Christmas trees (Oh. I'm sorry. We can't say the word 'Christmas' any more). Throw away your holiday trees people.

This year, Santa will be wearing body-builder spandex. As if the holiday season doesn't bring enough guilt and weight loss New-years-Resolutions - NO.

WE MUST LIPOSUCTION SANTA AND SAVE THE WORLD FROM OBESITY.

LETS GO AHEAD AND NEUTER RUDOLPH AS WELL! DECREASE THE FLAMING DEER POPULATION THAT IS WREAKING HAVING ON EL NINO! NEUTER ALL THE OTHER REINDEER AS WELL!

LETS TAKE THE DANCE OUT OF DANCER AND THE PRANCE OUT OF PRANCER! BLITZER WILL NEVER BLITZ AGAIN!

AND WHAT ABOUT THE ELVES! ALL THE LITTLE FAT WEIRD ELVES? WHY AREN'T THE ELVES INCLUDED IN THE OLYMPIC GAMES? ITS DISCRIMINATION! LETS ALL PUT ON GREEN RIBBONS AND SUPPORT THE CURE FOR THE ABUSE OF ELVES!

What kind of pathetic sad little world is this.....?

MY SANTA IS STAYING FAT!! JOLLY OLD FAT OBESE SANTA IS COMING DOWN MY CHIMNEY AND I AM LEAVING HIM COOKIES AND MILK AND CHEESECAKE AND FRAPPACINNO'S!

Stock up on guns people. I think we may need them in the future.

Cheers.

King Spencer & Murry the Hippo

Once upon a time, there was a king named Spencer who had a magical bright red shiny robe. King Spencer lived in a land far away called Eklo. Everyone who lived in Eklo helped each other out and in general, tried to make life work for the best, even when things were bad. Every business in the city worked with all the other businesses to make Eklo the best possible city to live in.

King Spencer worked very hard to make Eklo the greatest city in the land. He had crews taking care of the orphans and widows, crews working to keep the streets clean, he had doctors visiting the sick, and lawmakers who were just.

But as is always the case with big cities, King Spencer couldn't be perfect all the time. Sometimes the food for the orphans would show up really late. Sometimes the visitors to the city were called mean names. Sometimes neighbors didn't love each other the way they should have. And sometimes widows like Carmen the Thanerous were forgotten in all the busyness. And all of these things made King Spencer really sad.

To make matters worse, whenever there were sad people in the city, King Spencer's magical bright red shiny robe would become dirty and faded. This would make King Spencer work extra hard to make people happy so that his magical red robe would stay bright and shiny.

He stayed up late into the night thinking of ways to make Eklo better. He wrote out lists and plans, thoughts and inspirations, and other ways to make the city better down onto his notepad. But every time King Spencer tried a new strategy to help the orphans, sick, widows, and neighbors, his plans never worked quite perfectly.

The King began to wonder if it was even possible to have a perfect city that did everything it was supposed to do.

Then, on a cold crisp Monday morning, the King awoke to someone speaking in the city gate. He got up, put on his magical robe which wasn't so bright because of all the sad people in the city, and rushed down the stairs of the palace to the gate. Along the way, he was joined by Faris the Goriphant & Chester the Lampoon. When they arrived at the city gate they found a Hippopotamus named Murry speaking to the people of the city.

Murry the Hippo did not like living in Eklo. He told the people that King Spencer had failed to be a good king.

'King Spencer doesn't help the poor, feed the widows, or help the immigrants!' said Murry. 'He doesn't love everyone all the time. Sometimes the streets are dirty. Sometimes his bright red robe doesn't look so good. King Spencer doesn't know how to run a good city!'

Then, Murry the Hippo invited all the people living in the city of Eklo to follow him to a new city, a better city, that was being built in the distance.

'It's called Thotwel, and its the best place to live!' said Murry. 'It's not like Eklo. In Thotwel, all of the problems concerning the widows, neighbors, and orphans are addressed, and our King is wise beyond his years. He knows how to focus on the things which are truly important!'

Then, with a big yawn and the snap of his teeth, Murry waddled out of the city gates on his way to Thotwel. Then Alice, the Chikatoo bird asked Spencer,

'Is all this true? Do you really not know how we can solve these problems that Murry talked about? Are you not able to fix Eklo? Is your robe always going to be the faded and worn looking?'

King Spencer tried his best to answer. 'I don't know all these things yet. I don't know how to fix Eklo. I have tried many things but I haven't found a way that works all the time! Sometimes my ideas work, and sometimes they don't. But I am trying to find an answer.'

The Alice said to King Spencer, 'Maybe you should go talk to the King of Thotwel. Murry says he's already figured out the answers and that all the problems are addressed. Surely he is wise beyond his years! Until then, I am going to move to Thotwel.'

Then, as Alice turned to follow after Murry, most of the citizens of Eklo followed as well! Chester the Lampoon, Faris the Goriphant, Carmen the Thanerous, and many others left to follow Murry the Hippo to the city of Thotwel.

'Don't go! Please don't go!' cried King Spencer. But it was too late.

Murry, Alice, Faris, Carmen, and the others were gone into the distance.



TO BE CONTINUED....

Silence please...

I'm driving down 75 (about 15 mph) on my way home in the midst of the sea of crawling ants (also on their ways home) and I make a remarkable discovery.

The radio is absolute crap.

Not the actual radio per say, but the music that is playing through the radio. My radio is actually quite decent, save the blown speaker I need to replace (it's always something with vehicles. You drive them off the lot and then BAM, you gotta fix some stupid expensive thing).

As I flip through the channels I notice these choices:

'Grammerless' by Fergi

Kenye West using the word 'wronger'. Hello? Dictionary? Even Wikepedia would work. Or maybe he has so much junk in his grill that he cant speak straight.

One frickin American Idol star after another (I could have told you Taylor Hicks was never going to get anywhere big - but I hate that show so who cares?)

Big Pimpin (I don't know who it's by and I don't care to look it up)

Duran Duran

Britney Spears singing 'Gimme More' - which if she was talking about clothes or sanity I wouldn't mind so much.

Beethoven's 2nd Symphony

Little John barking something like the animal his songs make him out to be. A dog in heat per say...

A Cher remix. Does the woman ever go away?

And of course, my wife's favorite - the Beatles. The song doesn't matter. She loves them all. even the weirder albums.


So, given the ridiculous state of talent in the music industry (I see about as much talent there as I see in my cat), I decided to save the little gray cells (and my vocabulary) in my brain by shutting the radio off completely when not listening to classical music. It took a full week just to break the habit of not turning the radio on when I got into the car. It seems my hand just natural goes for the volume knob.

And then the silence sets in. Not real silence though because my car is a convertible and lets the traffic noise in like a wet Kleenex. But a traffic-like silence set in.

It's amazing where your brain will go when you don't fill it full of stupid grammerless distractions. Its kinda like cleaning up your hard drive on the computer. I could feel my brain throwing away gobs of trash and useless information (including some people's names that I probably should have remembered).

After a month of this, I have felt much better than before the stupid-music fast. I feel less stress, less anxiety, less frustration. You know the old saying, 'Garbage in, garbage out.' It applies here. Really.

Turn off the skubala people (skubala is the Greek word for crap only stronger). Let your brain breathe. Clean it out. Kick that arrogant egomaniac Justin Timberlake to the curb. If you never heard him again your life would be worlds better for it (I'm convinced he would marry himself if he could ever break away from staring at himself in his mirror).

Bring on the silence. Let it roar.

Cheers.