Paco's Lil Nino

Well friends, Kohen is finally home. And it is far greater than I imagined. So far today, he has made poopy diapers, eaten, eaten some more, and slept. And strangely enough, I find this highly entertaining.

Which is great because after watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy I have been considering throwing my TV off my second floor balcony (henceforth the show will be called Brokeback Anatomy and grouped in with Disgusting Housewives, Dancing with the Naked Stars, and Sleeping with Everyone in the City).

But then, I remembered the small joy I find in my XBOX 360 (which requires a TV and thus saved the Sanyo from its crushing death) and I was so excited at the thought of Paco Wont Beg having his Lil Nino playing with him!!!

Of course, this is probably a long ways off, because the controller is bigger than the lil nino's head. But you can never start them too soon.

I also got him his first soccer ball, and I was excited about that too.


But now that the dust has sorta settled, (I say this entirely loosely considering I can't remember the last time I slept more than two hours without waking up), I thought I would tell you about the two epiphanies I had the night Kohen was born.

The first has to do with Kohen's delivery.
Cassie and I talked a great deal about birthing methods, and we didn't really share our thoughts with other people so as not to upset them if theirs were different. We both wanted to go the natural route, skip the epidural and drugs, didn't want to induce, and wanted Kohen to come in his own time.

Of course we understood the need for emergencies and so forth. We weren't arrogant enough to think we could plan the whole thing out. Well maybe a little.

We attended the Lamaze class for 12 hours, watched all the horrible movies, practiced breathing hard, I wore the sympathy suit (which hurts a man a lot more than the ladies might think). We did it all so that when the time came and Cassie's water broke (just like in the movies) and Chason drove 130 mph down the street to get to the hospital, we would know how to work through the pain and have a natural birth.

And then Kohen came. The entirely non-natural way. As if to say, 'That's really great and all Chason, but let me take all the control and power you thought you had, and show you how powerless you really are.'

And then there was the 15 minutes in hell, where the doctors took Cassie (Kohen still inside) and left me in the hall outside the operating room alone. And that is where these epiphanies occurred.

In desperate moments, all the frills and eloquence in my prayers goes out the window. I just blurt things out. And I was panicking. And I was reminded of this song I wrote in high school - it was about this family going into the hospital and the mother struggling and dying and the baby comes out and it's just the father and baby alone.

I still remember all the words and chords. And several months ago I was playing through this song and I thought it was too sad. So I changed the words where everybody lived.

And it was this song that came flooding into my mind during the 15 minutes in hell. And I was pleading with God saying, 'You can't do this. I changed the words. Everything was supposed to be OK. This can't happen. You can't let this happen.'

Which is not entirely rational, but the moment wasn't entirely rational either.

And I was thinking, 'Nothings going right here. This is all wrong.' And the tears were coming down my face and I told myself I gotta pull myself together because Cassie was going to look into my face and if she saw my eyes teary she would lose it.

So I started pacing back and forth. 'Pull yourself together Chason. Pull yourself together.'

And then, the next thoughts I had struck me as even more absurd.

'None of your friends had their babies this way! The number one thing you didn't want was a C-section! And here you are! Doesn't God know how important this was to you? Doesn't he know how frustrated you are right now? Does he even care? How come other people can induce early, schedule their babies birth like a business meeting, and everything can go fine? But you can do everything right - plan everything right - and this happens!'

And this little rant went on for a few moments until I was ushered into the room.

I still can't answer these questions with a true amount of satisfaction. But when Kohen was placed on the table (breathing bad and looking worse), for just a small moment it was like I could see so much more of what was going on in the world. How trivial so much of it is. I think I take life too much for granted sometimes.

I mean, here I was freaking out over a C-section and the trauma, and I was actually upset because things weren't going MY way.

It's so sad, and I know it is. And before you think that I am pathetic, know that you do it too.

It's so easy to forget that God has plans in the world that don't always correspond with ours. And sometimes his plans don't make much sense to us in the present moment. Sometimes hard and traumatic stuff happens - and in these moments we capture a glimpse of who we really are - how self-absorbed we really are.

And then when Kohen was on the table it was like someone whispered in my ear, 'Hey Chason, to raise this kid right, you have to let all that go. You have to live for other people here. You have to give yourself and your wants, and all the ways you think things should be, and let it all go. After all , it was never really in your hands to begin with.'

Sad. Four years in Seminary and I still don't have this little fact down.


And that brings me to the second epiphany.

God, the Father, sent Jesus into the world - and he arrived in an unexpected fashion; a little boy coming from non-wealthy parents, with not a cardboard box to call his own. No one expected him to come in this way.

Just like I expected Kohen to come a different way.

But God had a plan for Jesus all along. And, as a proud father now, I can honestly talk about the bizarre thing that happens when you look down into your son's eyes. You just love him so dang much.

You don't even know him yet, but you love him so much anyway. He's been in the world ten minutes and you can't bear to see the world without him. It's such a crazy thing. No other love is like this.

I didn't love Cassie the moment I met her. The love started growing then and it continues to grow now. But there was a time that love wasn't.

But the love for your own son is already there, the moment he's there.

And the more amazing thing is - that God knew the entire time that Jesus' whole purpose was the cross. That his son was going to die in an agonizing and horrible way.

And that this death was necessary for a bunch of people who weren't worth rags. A bunch of people that hated him and still do.

You know, they teach you in Sunday school (or perhaps I should call it ABF because it's cooler and hipper and newer) all about God's love.

But I don't think I ever truly grasped the ridiculous size of this love until the other day, in the ICU, when I first got to hold Kohen.



Well, more later. But may you catch a glimpse of this ridiculously huge love today.

Cheers.

Kohen's Going Home

That's right ladies and gentlemen; after 5 days in ICU, Kohen has finally been given the green light to go home tomorrow.

Since Cassie and I haven't really been around the house much the last week - going home will be great.

If I ever see the inside of the Baylor ICU again, it will be too soon.

But right now, it is late and I am going to try to get some rest on this fold out chair the hospital calls a bed and dream about the bills Kohen has wrapped up during his short little life and hope it isn't as much as my college tuition.

Good night all you 15-minute geniuses.

Cheers

Kohen Update

Just wanted everyone to know that Cassie was discharged today. She's doing really well and glad to be home.

Kohen is still in ICU - he's doing really well though. Cassie and I fed him today for the first time. It was loads of fun.

Hopefully, we can bring him home tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest.

Thanks for all your prayers.


Cheers.

Kohen's Arrival

Wow.

The story about Kohen's entrance into the world, now that the aftermath isn't quite so scary.

Well, It started on the morning of the 22nd. For some reason (providence) Cassie and I woke up and decided that we should probably start taking our 'hospital' stuff with us wherever we went. So we packed up six small bags (which weighed 100 lbs that I had to carry) and loaded them into the truck.

We drove to Arlington so that I could work at the office on our house plans. I worked from about 10 am to 5 pm. Then I went over to my parents house where Cassie was waiting.

We decided to grill hamburgers and I began getting stuff ready for the grill. Cassie disappeared to the restroom for a little while.

When she came out, she found me and whispered, 'We need to go now. Like now.'

After the shock absorbed, I grabbed my stuff and into the truck we went. Cassie was panicking a little bit because she was bleeding a lot.

I thought that must be normal. So we called the doctor who thought it was probably normal, thinking her water had broken, and the doc told us to go home and monitor the bleeding.

For some strange reason (providence) I felt compelled to not go home. Instead I took Cassie to downtown, near the hospital. I figured, heck, if her water broke, we can monitor the bleeding from some restaurant and wait to see if Cassie went into labor.

But, Cassie was still bleeding. A lot. Through her clothes.

So I pulled over at Target and bought her some big, loose gym pants. She changed in the Target bathroom, but it took her thirty minutes because she couldn't stop bleeding.

When she came out, She was already bleeding through the pants.

At this time I decided it was an emergency and we went to the hospital down the street. I figured she was probably not supposed to be bleeding this much, and it was way more blood than water.

Sorry for the details.

Anyways, we got her checked into the hospital and into a room by 7:30 pm. A nurse hooked up the baby monitors by 7:40.

Our midwife/doctor showed up by 7:45.

She (the doctor) took one look at the baby's monitor and her expression was a frown. She quickly pulled on some gloves and checked Cassie out.

Then a kind of whirlwind hit.

Five nurses came in all at once and began doing all sorts of things; a sonogram, blood counts, IV, and other stuff.

Our doctor paged the C-Section doctor.

Now, in case you didn't know, a C-section was the last thing Cassie and I wanted.

But when Cassie was busy with a nurse, our midwife snuck over to me and told me that a C-section was necessary because there was a very serious, life and death problem with the baby.

She told me she wanted me to know so that I could be strong when she told Cassie.

This is me being strong.

So she told Cassie who didn't really absorb any of it but looked at me through the oxygen mask. I could tell she was in shock.

And she kept bleeding like crazy.

They whisked her into the operating room within 5 minutes. Brought me in a couple minutes later after the epidural.

And at 8:34 pm we had a baby.

He was great, but was breathing really fast so they took him up to the NICU.

Cassie's blood pressure sky rocketed to 155 over 99.

This is me being strong again.

As it turns out, 40 percent of Cassie's placenta had ripped away from the wall causing massive bleeding everywhere.

The baby, under serious pressure, pooped in the womb and his heart started dropping really fast.

Which is why we went into surgery so fast.

Had we not gone into surgery when we did, the doctors think Kohen would have swallowed more bad stuff. Cassie's bleeding didn't stop until an hour or so after the surgery, when they gave her pitocen to stop the bleeding.

So for about an hour, life was horrible and scary, and there were at least ten doctors in the room at one point, and it was very hard to see them shoving tubes and stuff all into the baby and Cassie.

But now, everything is going well. The baby's breathing is great. Cassie's blood pressure is back to normal.

And we have a lot to be thankful for.

Cheers guys.

Kohen's Here!!!!

Freebird Conquered

Yes, I recognize that I am 26 years old.

I recognize that any day now I will have a kid.

I recognize that there are a million other things that I could have been doing.

BUT I CONQUERED GUITAR HERO 2 ON EXPERT!

That includes defeating the monster song 'Freebird.'

I had sweat pouring down my face, my shirt arm pits were soaked, my fingers trembled, and I could feel my smile growing as I conquered the hardest part of the song and new that victory was immanent.

I beat the song with 86% of the notes.

After it was over and threw my arms up into the air and rejoiced - and then I called six people just to gloat (they didn't really care but I appreciate their efforts and congratulations).

I kept waiting for the news van to pull up and interview me. Sadly they never came.

Maybe I should call them and let them know I am awesome....

So now, I have to go buy Guitar Hero III!

Cheers

Juno and Raising Children

So I watched Grey's Anatomy the last couple of weeks (or it should probably more appropriately be called 'Brokeback Anatomy' - Two dudes made out two weeks ago - and two women last week.'

The show was about how 'McSteamy' was in trouble because all the hundred nurses were boycotting his surgeries because he slept with them all because he is a 'man whore.'

So McSteamy becomes a sad man whore.


Then, I watched the movie Juno. After all they hype I expected it to be good. After watching it I felt a deep sense of sadness.

Sure the film was done really well, but the ending was so tragic to me. The child is viewed the entire movie as an inconvenience that Juno can't bring herself to abort because the child has fingernails.

So she has the child.
Her parents are shocked that she's sexually active.
The two 'adoptive parents' have issues - the woman is obsessed with motherhood and the father wants to run away with Juno.

And somehow along the way Juno realizes her deep love for the idiot nerd who got her pregnant in the first place.

(SPOILER ALERT)

And the movie ends with Juno in the hospital with her teenage lover, their baby in the arms of another woman, and Juno's mom promising that next time Juno can have the baby on her terms in her time.

So babies are now viewed like my McDonald's meal? Get when you order them, hot and fresh. If you don't like it, get rid of it?

Sacrifice babies for convenience?


But the thing that bothers me the most is the language used by all the young people in the movie. Perhaps I have grown up modest, I would prefer to think I have grown up with a certain sense of respect for sex and the human body.
But these kids throw around words for sex and bodily functions like the would talk about their silverware.

The innocence, purity, and wonder of sex and the human body is completely lost on these kids. Everything is exposed. everything is out there. And that's the way they view the norm.

Of course, they would call it 'enlightenment' or even 'honesty'. But the whole view of sex, the body, the miracle of children, is viewed through this movie in a distorted fashion.

This is not the way I believe God intended us to behave concerning these areas.

Which brings me back to the state of TV. You have Brokeback Anatomy, Dancing with the Stars where the women dress like whores and strippers and I can't watch without feeling dirty, Desperate Housewives, Sex and the City -

And I think that there is no going back.

The innocence is gone, and I am afraid it's gone forever.

Forty years ago it was an amazing thing for Beaver to hold some girls hand. Maybe even a kiss on the lips.

Now, you have Mr. Big.

And this frightens me because I am about to have a kid any day now and I want him to experience sex with its purity and innocence attached. I want him to know that just because he knows all the human body parts and functions by their medical names, he doesn't have to use them a hundred times a day. I want him to know that he doesn't need to be obsessed with breasts and sex, and listen to music about strippers and poles and Kodak moments like the rap song I heard last night.

And right now, I have no idea how to do that.

Are we all to be 'enlightened' now? Are we all supposed to know everything about everyone and talk about it?

Am I going to find condoms and little blue pills in small packages next to my salt and pepper?




I guess I will find out soon enough.

What Was Jesus About?

My final project at DTS was a video. I went to the Southlake Arts Festival on a Sunday morning and afternoon and I planned to ask 50 people two questions.

1. What was Jesus about?
2. How do you know that that is what Jesus was about?

With my little video camera in hand, I began my task. I selected people at random, mainly anyone who was walking by. I didn't care what they answered, and I wasn't allowed to ask them anything else other than these two questions.

It was not as easy as it sounds. Out of 50 people I asked, only 16 people agreed to be on film (which is really sad).

Then, out of those 16, two people knew a decent amount of info on Jesus. Most people didn't know anything.

Then there was the two gay guys who put their hands in front of the camera and said, 'OH NOOOOOOOO!!!!'
This of course hurt my feelings. But from their immediate reaction to my questions, it sounds as they they have had their feelings hurt too.

Then there was the lady who told me that I should leave. She then shamed me for being there to begin with. 'Jesus has no place in the arts! Why can't you people just leave everything alone and stop running around trying to convert everyone! Shame on you sir. Shame on you.'

I tried to explain to her that i wasn't advocating for or against Jesus. I was just asking people two questions that Peter Jennings asked people in an interview before he died. It didn't matter to this lady at all.

I think Peter Jennings had it easy.

Then there was all the people who, upon hearing the questions, did not want to have anything to do with the subject material.

I figured this was partly because I was asking older adults 30-60.

So I asked some teens who were walking around. They said, 'Umm, isn't Jesus about Christianity?'

Since I couldn't respond or lead them, I asked how they knew that Jesus was about Christianity.

They said their parents had told them so.



So all in all, the entire experience was extremely depressing. I sat drinking coffee afterwords feeling conquered. But I was enlightened.

People do not know what Jesus was about.

And many many many people have been hurt at some point by those claiming to be Christians. And this hurt makes the entire topic of Jesus a sore topic. And considering how important I believe Jesus is, not being able to talk to people about him without being shamed isn't great.

So, do you know what Jesus was about?

Church Hunting

So lately I have been wrestling with the question, 'What do we do about church?'

We are moving to Arlington in the next few months were I was born and raised. My dad and I visited most of the churches in the city at one time or another.
After working in one of these churches for five years and 'networking' with other churches in the area, I feel as though I have a pretty good grasp on the church movements going on within the city.

So several weeks ago, Cassie asked me, 'What are you thinking about church now that we are moving?'

After my most recent church experience, the prospect of diving into another church is entirely disheartening. But being a part of a body of believers is such an important part of the Christian life. So where do we go?

The biggest snag for me is finding a church that is going in a direction I agree with. Arlington has its share of megachurches. It also has its share of churches that are trying to become megachurches, or at least wishing to become megachurches.

Then there are the churches that wont ever become megachurches and have decided to go the indy way. This just means that they try to do things 'differently' than everybody else for the sake of being different. These churches remind me of all those people who rebel from cliques and in the process become a clique of their own.

There are your staunch southern baptist, fire and brimstone churches. I don't have enough aspirin for these and I don't like being yelled at.

There are your extremely liturgical churches, and while I do enjoy liturgical services every now and then, I can't do it every week.

This is not to say I have visited every church in the city, but close. I am not saying that all these churches are bad - but I am having a hard time finding a church that is moving in the direction that I think the church needs to move.

My mother always thinks I could start a church. I have been thinking about it. But for now, I just want to find some believers in the area who are on the same page as I am.

I don't want a church that's all about the building, the pastor, the worship band, and so on...

Rather I want a church that is all about the people that make it, the relationships and integrity of the church as a whole. A place where everyone is important. A place where if someone doesn't show up, then the whole group suffers because that person is gone.

I'll let you know when I find a group like this.

Cheers

Please Enjoy

I enjoyed this people, thought you would too.

Cheers

Cursed Assumptions

Well, I must apologize people, for I have sinned and made an assumption. And you know what they say about assumptions...(maybe you don't, and I shouldn't assume that you do - but I'm not going to tell you what they say about assumptions here).

On my previous blog with the ridiculous preacher - I used the video as an example of why I went to Seminary.

It never occured to me that many people would look at the blog and think, 'I don't understand. What does this have to do with Seminary?'

So I thought I should lay down some 15minute-genius ground rules about who I am and what I believe, to better help you understand the ridiculous and painful nature of the forementioned video.

The Bible:
You see, Christians say 'God wrote or gave us his word, found in the Bible.' And we make the assumption that the world knows what we're talking about here. So allow me to clarify.
God did not 'physically' write the Bible down on some paper and pass it on to us. What I believe is that God 'divinely inspired' men on earth to write down his words. I cannot explain exactly how this works, since nothing I have ever written has been divinely inspired. But somehow God communicated his words through certain men, who then wrote these words down. These writings, and these alone, are divinely inspired.

Now most of these words that were written down were copied over and over again. And most of the time these copies were made by hand. They didn't have Kinko's back then. So over the last several thousand years, thousands of copies were made and passed along.

These copies are not divinely inspired. They are mere copies and contain scribal errors. In case you have never copied someone else's writings - it is really difficult and sometimes a comma gets put in the wrong place, or a word like 'look' becomes 'book'. And so forth.

By gathering up all these copies it is easy to compare them together and decipher what the original writings were. Three hundred copies say 'look.' Two copies say 'book.' Guess which one is probably correct.

(I realize for you theological scholars out there that I am HUGELY oversimplifying - but this blog isn't written for you, but for people who have never heard of this stuff. It needs some explaining so I'll do my best).

Now, we have figured out which copies are most likely correct. But there is another problem - the original divinely inspired writings were in Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic. So then, not only do you have to find out which words are the correct words from the thousands and thousands of copies - but you then have to TRANSLATE THEM.


THIS IS WHERE ALL THE TRANSLATIONS OF THE BIBLE COME INTO PLAY!!!!!

You see - in English we say 'I love you.'

The Greek language could say this at least five different ways, and each way would have a slightly different meaning. (Is it a romantic love? Friendly love? Brotherly love? Not even love but mere affection?)

The Greek and Hebrew Languages are very precise, unlike the English language which is really dry if you ask me.

So without getting to crazy on you - the authors of the NIV translate it in a way they think fits the ACTUAL words best. So does the NASB, NKJV, NET, and so on. Sure, I prefer certain translations over others - but none of them are going to hell or trying to fool the reader with trick words.

THEY ARE TRYING TO GIVE YOU THE MESSAGE, MATCHING IT AS CLOSELY AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN TO THE ORIGINAL.


So beware any man who says a certain translation is from God and doom all the others. He knows not what he speaks.





Which brings me to my next HORRIBLE assumption. I posted that I went to Seminary and I 'implied' (by accident I assure you) that you can't just read the Bible and get something out of it. This is NOT true. You can pick up the BIble and I PROMISE YOU that It will speak to your life, it is filled with Truth, and it will change you forever. (God stands behind it you know.)

But as you can see from earlier, and from this AWEFUL video clip, that some people can open the Bible and make it say anything. They can make it say things that IT DOES NOT SAY.

But people are so trusting of pastors that they don't always check what pastors say. Sometimes pastors fool people and sometimes they mislead people with the Bible, and use the Bible as their tool to do so. It's horrible.

And that's what this dude in the video clip is doing.

I went to Seminary so that when people have questions about the Bible, or about certain words, or what the Bible is talking about when it mentions 'wall pissers' - that I can explain it in a knowledgable and meaningful way.

The Bible is not designed to be confusing. But sometimes it takes a great deal of thought to understand what God is saying about your life.




My wife wrote me love letters all through college. They were awesome. And I keep them in a box that she also made for me. If our house burned to the ground and I could grab only one thing (other than people and animals) I would grab this box.

But if Cassie had written the letters in Spanish, I would have to go and get a translator to translate it for me. And that poor soul would be bombarded with questions.

'Is that what she's really saying?'
'Is that a slang saying?'
'Are you sure that's what she's saying?'
'What else did she say?'
'What does that section mean?'

And so on.

I know this example is very cliche, but it works and I am too tired right now to think of a better one.

The Bible is like this. Sometimes I need to dive into the meaning of every word - every comma - every period and exclamation point -
because every letter and dot has meaning - a purpose.

God communicates through his word and I want to hear it clearly.

Like HD radio.

That's why I went to Seminary.



P.S. To all my loyal readers - I want to conclude with two comments. First, should I ever make an ssumption and you think I should explain it - CALL ME ON IT. It's totally fair and right and I will appreciate you for it.

Secondly,

The numbers in the Bible, like John 3:16; we added all those numbers in oursleves. They weren't in the original writings and didn't show up until a long time later. We added the numbers so that the community could get around in the Bible and we could all be on the same page, literally, haha.

So beware people going DaVinci like the dude calling out numbers in the video....those numbers came a lot later my friend.


Cheers

The Piss on the Wall

Some people wonder why I went to Seminary.

After all, can't I just read the Bible and get what I need out of it?

Well, here's why I went.

Enjoy, and may you all piss against the wall.

Cheers

Mission Complete

Well people,

Yesterday I found myself almost tearing up as I completed my last class at Dallas Theological Seminary. Again, I say almost tearing up. Not really though.

All my grades are in. I passed everything. I walk next Saturday.

I remember starting Seminary three and a half years ago. Back then I never thought I would get through. I remember my first semester thinking, 'Geez it's going to take a long long time to get done.'

And here, I'm done.

So rather than go on and on about this accomplishment - I would like to take the time to thank one of my many esteemed professors, Dr. Reg Grant.

Reg works in the pastoral ministries department - but his real expertise is in film making, writing, directing, acting, and preaching.

Of all the people who have helped guide me along the way, Reg has pretty much been my mentor in every possible way. I think of him like my own personal Dumbledore. Or perhaps, I should call him Grantadore.

When I started school, I felt like I was supposed to enter the film industry and I thought the idea pretty ridiculous. Other than my love for movies and stories, I did not have any real experience in this industry. So I went to Reg and told him about my vision and he set me on the path - directed me about where to go and what to do.

So now that I am finished, i would like to thank him for his guidance. My future successes will be in large part to his pouring of knowledge and experience into my life.

Thanks again Reg Grantadore.


Sincerely,
Chason Potter.