100'th POST!!! AN Ode to the DMV

Thank you so much viewers! This is my 100'th post! I thought I would thank all my fans here by giving you something a little special today.

Today, I spent two hours at the Department for Motor Vehicles. AKA DMV.

What can I say? I was inspired.




The stench of mildew fumes from the floor
As another lifeless soul stands by the door
Pressing in on others who crunch all the more
Into the snaking line of damned and poor

Standing next to a vet from the war
His skimpy dressed girlfriend bent to the floor
Cigarette puffing on the blazing core
Blowing wisps of smoke an hour or more

A teller calls twenty three, another twenty four
I'm number seventy five in the line by the door
Hating the persons who built this store
Pushed to the side by the janitor


Then I heard a small snap, looked all around
Corpses of people staring at the ground
And I heard a soft chuckle, a strange eerie sound
And for a small moment I felt my face frown

But the small snap, no matter how dim
Came from my brain, a synapse on a whim
My laugh started small, then grew to a grin
Then roared out loudly to the people within

'I HATE THIS PLACE, THIS DARN DMV
I'D RATHER BE HOME WATCHING TV
LOOK AT YOU PEOPLE! IT'S SO SAD TO SEE
YOU WASTING YOUR LIFE HERE SO WILLINGLY

FORGET THIS STUPID PLACE! NO NEED TO REGISTER!
WE'LL HOLD UP AND FIGHT, PAINT A BANISTER
WE WILL BE FREE, SPRAY IT WITH A CANISTER
AND TO THIS GOVERNMENT, I SAY WE BANISH HER

UP TO ARMS PEOPLE! DON'T BE AFRAID!
WE'LL GET BACK TO LIVING LIFE AND MAYBE GET PAID!
NO MORE CIGERETTE SMOKE BREATHED IN YOUR FACE
FROM SOME HOOCHIE MAMMA DRESSED IN STRETCH LACE!

SO UP TO ARMS, UP TO ARMS ALL
LISTEN TO ME YOU SAD PEOPLE LINED ALONG THE WALL!
HEED THIS DIRECTION, PAY ATTENTION TO MY CALL!
OR ELSE WE WILL ALL DIE HERE, STINKY AND SMALL!


And then I was finished, I regret to say
That no one moved a muscle in my general way
except for a dude with a badge and toupee
Who escorted me out in a rather rude way

So here's to the people who die in the DMV
That stand in that line lost in apathy
Who forget that a world exists Right out the lee
OF THE STUPID CURSED BUILDING KNOWN AS THE DMV!!!!



Cheers - and here's to a hundred more.

Scars and Injury

I once punched through a window leaving a nasty bloody patch on my right thumb. The reason for this event is not important, although I will admit it was stupid. Basically, it was a lesson that 'my way' is not always the 'best way.' Sometimes you gotta trust that God has something going on, even if you think you have the right answer.

And a lot of the time, you don't.

You just think you do. Which is stupid because every time Israel thought their way was the right way in the Old Testament, they ended up in the wilderness or in some other trouble.

Anyway,

My thumb bled all over the place. My sister, horrified, washed the blood off and put some sort of bandage on it. But it was gross. Got blood all over my shirt, pants, the floor.

The poor window was broken for a while too. This didn't make my Dad happy since it was his window after all, and nobody likes to pay for air condition that goes right out the window. Haha.

The thumb healed, but not well. I have a scar there now. A small circular spot of scar tissue, unrecognizable to most except me.

And that got me thinking this morning - I have several other scars. On my knees, elbow, shoulder, knuckle, acne scars and a few others.

Each scar has its own story. Some dumb thing or another. And these scars stay with you for life.

Life.

Which is hopefully a long time.

A long time to contemplate the scars.

And then, as I stared at my thumb this morning, I realized I have way more emotional scars than physical ones. And these seem to haunt me even more than the physical ones.

In fact, the emotional scars hurt more now and when they were made than did the physical scars. Which is sort of strange because I have some physical scars that hurt like heck when I got them.

And this disturbed me because that means I have a lifetime to think about these emotional scars as well.

And I have a heck of a lot of scars, both physical and emotional.

And that got me thinking about God because God knows about all these scars. And in a way, I think scars are like tattoos. People get them so that they can see them, be reminded about them, because the tattoo means something to them.

Scars may not be as pretty as tattoos, but they do the same thing none the less. They remind us of something, they keep certain thoughts on the brain, certain lessons that we wont ever forget.

But what I was really wondering was if God plans out these scars. I mean, do you think he allows you to get certain scars so that you will remember these important things?

Like the scar on my thumb. Maybe God wanted me to remember my entire life, that my way isn't perfect. That my way can often lead to the BIGGEST mistakes.

And I think that yes, God does want me to remember that.

And I think that most of my emotional scars are the same. God wants me to remember certain aspects to how I got them - what they mean - and so on.

Maybe scars are OK. Battle wounds of life that God keeps present on your mind.

The Jews were to keep God's laws on their foreheads and wrists, so every time they did anything they would be reminded of what God had told them.

I think God uses scars in the same way.

You don't get to forget about them.

You don't get to pretend like they're not there.

You have to live with them. Like a roommate that wont put his/her laundry away.

And I think that's OK.



Cheers

Go See EXPELLED!!!!!

Ok people,

Expelled the movie just came out this weekend in theaters!!! YOU REALLY NEED TO GO SEE IT!!! It is fantastic!

Starring Ben Stein, this movie is a documentary that examines the issue of Creation, Intelligent Design, Darwinism, and other good stuff!

Completely worth your money! Go see it!

Cheers

M.T.A.

I thought I should notify my viewers about the existance of M.T.A.

Until two days ago, I didnt know this term existed. It stands for 'Mutual Tree Agreement.'

A Mutual Tree Agreement is when all the trees in your area decide to move to the North, or at least bend, during the middle of the night, under cover of a thunderstorm. A Mutual Tree Agreement is not caused by wind, but by trees moving themselves, like in Lord of the Rings.

This is the exlanation I was given as to how the trees fell over in my apartment complex. Apparently, trees that are not good at moving fall over.

King Spencer & the Dungeon

(continued)

'How did you know I was coming?' asked Spencer.

'Well, I didn't. Not really.' answered Thomas the Golden Retriever. 'I just figured it was only a matter of time.'

Thomas stood up for the first time, crossed the small cell, and sat next to Spencer.

'Would you like a doggy treat?'

'Umm, no.' answered Spencer.

'That's just as well. I hate the darn things. I happen to be a vegetarian.' said Thomas yawning.

'Oh.' said Spencer.

Thomas had deep blue eyes that looked at Spencer with a sadness behind them.

'You have been a good King, Spencer.' began Thomas. 'I've been hearing about you for a long long time. Your successes. Your struggles. I was sad to hear that you shut Eklo down.'

'Yes. Well, it was a difficult time you see -'

Thomas interrupted Spencer. 'I understand, and I believe you. I'm sure you thought you had no other choice.' Thomas stretched hes legs across the floor, the hair on his back standing straight up.

'But your problem Spencer, was that you thought you could build a perfect Kingdom to begin with. You can't. People are people. Not everyone will agree with you all the time. It's impossible. But having people that disagree with each other is a good thing.'

'What? Why?' asked Spencer.

'Because it means that they are free. Look at all these people in Thotwell. They all look the same. Act the same. Dress the same. No one here is truly unique. Thotwell still has widows and orphans, but you don't hear about them because everyone is too worried about all the non-stance.'

Thomas put one paw on Spencer's shoulder.

'Thotwell was built upon the idea that a true utopia could be created as long as people laid their rights, uniqueness, personal talents and character, all down. People had to agree to be the same to get the city to work. Anyone who disagreed with this idea was cast out or locked up. No one talks here, not about anything real anyway.'

Thomas kicked the dog biscuit out of the cell. It broke against the stone wall.

'But, after a while, some people realized that the city wasn't working. Orphans still needed help. Widows were hungry. Injustice kept happening. Thotwell had all the same flaws that any other city had. So the stupid raccoon king initiated the non-stance and other laws, regulating what people here ate, what they drink, how they dress, what they talk about - he tried to make life here in Thotwell consistent, uniform, surface level. Now, Thotwell is just a popcorn city. It's made of fluff. No one truly buys it anymore. People are just afraid of talking bad about it, or speaking out against it, for fear of the stupid raccoon.'

'I on the other hand, 'continued Thomas. 'Could have none of it. I refuse to be the same; to ignore problems and plaster over them over and over in the hopes that the problems go away. The raccoon is prideful and arrogant. He no longer cares for the people, only that he can control what the people hear, how they live, and the food that they eat. And that is how I landed in here.'

'That's horrible.' said Spencer. 'I thought this city was going to be the answer to all my problems.'

'Well learn from it then.' replied Thomas.

Thomas walked over to the stone wall and removed a loose brick. A gold key lay behind it.

'What's that?' asked Spencer.

'This,' said Thomas. 'Is the key to this cell.'

Thomas took the key, unlocked the cell door, and pushed it open.

'How did you get the key?' asked Spencer.

'As you can see, I am a Retriever.' said Thomas. 'It's what I do.'

'Why haven't you escaped already?'

'I told you, I have been waiting for you.' said Thomas. 'Plus, being in here I don't have to wear the non-stance, eat their sub-stance, or any other silliness. Now, we can leave. I believe you have a Kingdom to return to.'

Spencer followed Thomas out the door and they quietly walked up the stairs.

When they reached a window Spencer peered out and saw Lionna waiting for him outside.

Spencer turned back to Thomas. 'Will you come with me?'

'I may visit you shortly,' said Thomas with a grin. 'But now, I have some work to do here. Good luck King Spencer.'

Thomas hurried off up the stairs.

Spencer jumped from the window landing on an awning below. He bounced into the street startling Lionna. Before she could speak, Spencer grabbed her hand and they ran from the castle as fast as their legs could go.

Stupidity & Apartment Personnel

At 3:35 AM on Thursday Morning, April 10th, much of the DFW metroplex came under the attack of a severe storm system.

The North Dallas, Frankford corridor was hit pretty badly. Pappadeaux's and Commerica Bank billboards flew off into the night, hundreds of trees throughout the area were bent over or were uprooted, power lines came crashing down, one apartment building had it's second floor demolished, roof, windows, brick walls and all,

And our dining room window was hurled into our apartment, double pane glass, frame, and all; hurtling glass shards everywhere.

Cassie and I grabbed the dog and hunkered down in the bathtub like good citizens waiting for the storm to pass.

(eventually I came out and saved the cat who was sitting on top of the broken window considering ending it all)

At 6:00 AM, the storm moved on and we were OK. Praise Jesus.

We called our apartment office to notify them about the window. I didn't expect them to get right on it, since lots of building were missing roofs, chimneys, trees lay on top of cars right next to Cassie's. It was a huge friggin mess.

I took a bunch of photos - probably should put them on here....

At 10:30 AM I went to the apartment office and found our maintenance people drinking coffee and telling jokes. I told them about the window and the chief's exact words to me were, 'OK.'

OK.

So I asked him what we should do - after all, glass was all over my apartment with leaves and dirt and a huge HOLE IN MY APARTMENT.

He said he'd check it out later.

At 10:50 AM I took the demolished window frame to the apartment office so that they could see what I was dealing with.

They took the frame and then -

I didn't hear from them for five days.

You would think that at some point - they would, ya know, call me. Email me. Send me a carrier pigeon or something to let me know what the heck was going on.

Then, on April 15th, at 9:45 AM - I was called by the apartment office. They told me that their insurance assessor deemed that the storm was not the cause of the broken window.

And that they were billing me for the window.



(I must insert some space here to truly allow my anger to be felt)


















OK.

So I spoke with the apartment manager. Here is our conversation:

'So you think that the huge storm which knocked over trees, signs, buildings, chimneys, and the giant oak that's sitting atop my neighbors car, didn't knock my window in?'

'That's what they told me.'

'Did they look at the window? Take pictures? Did they go into my apartment and see it for themselves?'

'No.'

'So what did they say caused the window to break?'

'We don't know.'

'Was it the magical elves running rampant through the complex? Did they plant a pot of Gold in my friggin apartment?'

'No, we are not saying it was anything like that.'

'Than like what?'

'We don't know.'

'You think it was me don't you? You think I went out into the middle of the rainy, stormy, worthy of the TWISTER movie night, and decided - what the heck? I'll blow my entire WINDOW INTO THE APARTMENT?'

'No. We cannot say that you broke the window.'

'What can you say?'

'The window costs around $400.00'


(end conversation with the idiot.)

After notifying my insurance company, and studying the attorney generals website, the rights of tenants and so forth - I went back to the office and threatened law suits against the stupid idiot apartment people. (much of this conversation cannot be posted here because the not-so-nice-Chason was displayed and only the truly wicked people get to see that. It's scary.)

(Did I mention my 8 month pregnant wife went too? And you do not want to tick off a pregnant woman...)

The incompetent office people changed their minds and told me that they would take care of the window.

That was on the 15th. Five days after the storm.





Today is April 17th, 2008. A storm comes looming in tonight from the Northwest. Expected showers and possible hail.

We still have a gaping hole in our dining room. The pathetic plastic trash bags that I taped over the hole have failed. I felt sprinkles drifting in already this morning. The apartment people have yet to even enter our apartment to see it.

And as the rain is sure to come before I can return home today - return home and probably find everything wet with mold -

I am reminded that this world isn't fair - it is not a just place - people do what is right in their own eyes (or don't do anything at all) - and I pray that Jesus will give me patience and mercy.

Patience and mercy that I will need later today when I am tempted to throw cinder blocks through every window in the apartment office.

Cheers.

Connect the Dots...la..la..la..

First:
Each of the Saw movies (there are currently four and possibly more to come) grossed over 30 million dollars in their opening weekends.

Second:
Cassie (my wife) is a Special Education teacher. Several of her students mentioned to her that they enjoyed the Saw series of movies. They also watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Decent, and several other movies in kind. While it appalled Cassie that their parents would allow these 3rd through 5th graders to watch these kinds of movies, it seems the majority of children in her class had seen them.

Third:
4-2-08
www.nypost.com

"A group of Georgia third-graders concocted an elaborate revenge plot to attack their teacher during class with an assortment of weapons - including a broken steak knife, handcuffs and a crystal paperweight, police said.

The 8- and 9-year-olds at Center Elementary School were apparently miffed because the teacher disciplined one of the masterminds for standing on a chair, police said.

One child was in charge of covering the windows and another was supposed to clean up afterward, police in Waycross, Ga., said.

"We did not hear anybody say they intended to kill her, but could they have accidentally killed her? Absolutely," Police Chief Tony Tanner said.

The plot was foiled after one student told a teacher that a girl had brought a weapon to school."

Fourth:

Radio talk show 'Kidd Kraddick in the Morning' was baffled by how such an event concerning 3rd graders could occur.



Cheers.

Life Beyond...

And the final count:

137 pages

$18.89 for 20#, acid free, 25% cotton paper

$12.37 for printing

289 days

3 revisions

$60.00 processing fee

$10.00 for micro phishing

23, 893 total words

2 Title changes

$25.00 copyright fee to the WGA

22+ characters

5 test readers

$2.89 for submittal boxes

12+ angry bloggers who are mad I haven't posted in some time...

32 books checked out from the library

8 meetings with professors





Final Thesis Project turned in on April 2nd, 2008 at 3:42 in the afternoon paving the way to graduation....




PRICELESS


So now, maybe, just maybe, I can return to blogging again.

Cheers