2nd Sam 13:1-39
A very bizarre and interesting story; but first, some background info.
The year is 1000 A.D. David is King over Israel. He has been doing pretty well as King except for two problems. First, he had a little incident with Bathsheba (lusted, committed adultery, lied, stole, and murdered: See chapter 11) Secondly, he has married multiple women, and now he has many children and baby-mommas. David has a son, Absalom, and a daughter, Tamar, by one wife. He has another son, Amnon, by another wife. Family gymnastics all over the place.
The story begins with the problem: Amnon loves his step-sister. (Gross I know. An incest story in the Bible. And you thought this book was boring…)
But it’s not really love that Amnon has for Tamar. It’s more like an obsessive lust. This obsession with Tamar reaches bizarre levels to the point where Amnon is making himself sick. This continues for weeks.
This is the way lust works. It begins as a disturbing thought. A thought that you begin to dwell on. And before long, you are having desires that you know are bad. But here’s the tell: you know that it’s wrong but you don’t care. In fact, you have begun to make up excuses and arguments for why it should be right. Lust is a nasty thing.
Out of frustration Amnon conveys his lust to his confidant, Jonadab. It’s interesting to note that the Bible says Jonadab was a smart man (shrewd). It’s an ironic phrase considering that a smart, intelligent man wouldn’t devise the sort of scheme that Jonadab gives to Amnon.
Amnon pretends to have the flu and asks David to allow Tamar to come and be his nurse during his illness. David, unaware of Amnon’s freak obsession, sends Tamar as requested.
A thought: Why has David not noticed this freakish obsession in Amnon? Amnon has been getting lust-sick for months after all. Does David not spend any time with his son? Enough time to notice Amnon’s weird behavior? Remember: David had married a bunch of women and had a bunch of kids. He has to make the rounds. Instead of spending quality time with a couple kids, he is a daddy drive-through. Maybe that’s why God didn’t want him to have a bunch of wives to begin with. Back to the story -
Tamar, being an obedient daughter, goes and spends her afternoon in Amnon’s house baking him cookies. What a girl scout. Then she brings the cookies to Amnon and Amnon sends everyone out of his house except Tamar. Sin likes privacy.
Then Amnon asks Tamar to feed the cookies to him by hand in his bedroom. (This is a ruse of course. Any time a guy asks a single girl to come into his bedroom…it’s always a ruse ladies. Stay out. There’s only one thing on the brain – one thing).
Then Amnon tries to force himself on Tamar, and she of course freaks out. Tamar stops him long enough to remind him of the absolute foolishness of this situation; she even tells Amnon to discuss the matter with David.
But Amnon doesn’t think twice. He forces her into sex. This is also known as rape. This is the true manifestation of lust; taking something good and beautiful out of context and ravaging it.
But the even sicker part - the moment the deed is done, Amnon doesn’t love her anymore (big surprise). Instead, Amnon now hates her. Not just a little bit of dislike. But he passionately hates her. He hates her more than all the lust he had had for her. And he tells her to get the heck out of his house. Tamar tries to argue, but Amnon has her physically thrown out like a whore – like a used piece of trash.
Nobody likes to look their own sin in the face. Amnon is no exception.
Tamar flees home, ripping her clothes and weeping all the way. And Absalom finds out what has happened. As an older brother of two sisters, I can assure you that my actions in this sort of situation would not be lawful. But Absalom does two things. First, Absalom comforts her and gets her home. Second, he waits for David to find out what has happened. After all, Tamar is David’s daughter, she is his responsibility. Absalom knows it is David’s obligation to act on her behalf. And we get this verse about David:
‘Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry.’ (13:21). This is all we get about David here. If you were the father of these kids and you heard this sort of thing occurred – would you do anything? Or just be mad? David does nothing. No justice. No punishment. No response of any kind. Can you imagine what Absalom was thinking? Or what about Tamar? Did her father think she was just not worth anything? Can you imagine what David’s inaction did to her self-esteem and self-worth?
Absalom is furious (understandable) and hates Amnon for what he did.
Two years go by. Two years of silence. Two years of hurt feelings, hateful thoughts, of inaction. What an awkward place to postpone a story right? A huge intermission here.
When the curtains open again Absalom is preparing to throw a huge party and invites David and Amnon ( feels like Shakespeare). David decides not to go but allows Amnon to attend. The party is huge with alcohol and craziness. All the princes of the kingdom are doing karaoke and playing cards. People are drunk; and one of these people is Amnon.
And then, right when Amnon is drunk and falling over, Absalom kills Amnon (not directly – his servants do the killing under Absalom’s orders). This incident sorta disrupts the party and everyone flees; including Absalom out of fear of his father.
The report reaches David that Amnon has been killed by Absalom. Further, David is told Absalom had been plotting this murder for two years, since the day his sister was raped. And then the text mentions that Jonadab, there with the other servants of the king, confirms the report of the murder. Why is Jonadab still in the picture? After his last brilliant advice, why has David kept him around? Toxic people (like Jonadab) need to be fired. Get them out of your life. Don’t let someone with horrible judgment whisper advice into your ears. David should have kicked this guy to the curb a long time ago.
And now the story ends on a sad, strange note.
Absalom stays hidden from his father for three long years. He doesn’t want to risk capital punishment (which was a Jewish law). He loses the relationships of his father and family in order to provide justice for his sister. Sons need justice from their fathers. Sons need to see their fathers stand up and do what is necessary and right. When a father fails to give their sons this kind of example, then sons bottle it up, sons pent up their feelings, sons don’t seek the proper channels of justice, and sons pull out knives on bullies.
‘And the heart of King David longed to go out to Absalom; for he was comforted concerning Amnon, since he was dead.’ (13:39)
Who’s responsibility was it to deal with Amnon? It was David’s. So why hadn’t he dealt with this situation in two years? First, David felt inadequate to act on account of his screw-up with Bathsheba. He had lusted after her, had ordered a married woman to be brought to him, he slept with her, and had her husband murdered so that no one would find out that he had gotten Bathsheba pregnant. It’s hard to punish someone when you are guilty of the same sins. David feared being called a hypocrite. However, God recognizes that everyone makes mistakes. God had forgiven and continued to use David despite his failures.
But when it comes to Amnon, David can’t bring himself to do anything. He can’t get passed his own hypocrisy and bring justice like a King should. Like a father should. Sure he gets angry. But being angry isn’t enough for either Tamar or Absalom. And to make it even worse, David is happy that Absalom brought the justice that he couldn’t. But he’s too proud to say anything. He could have sought out his son in the three years following the murder. He could have sent word that all was well. But he doesn’t do this either because he doesn’t want to admit that someone else had to do his job of bringing justice. A King shouldn’t have other people doing his job. Neither should fathers.
Absalom on the other hand almost looks like a hero in the story. But he’s not. Absalom had no right to bring justice to the situation. It was his father’s responsibility. We know Absalom sat around for two years planning the murder. Why in two years did Absalom not pressure his father into action? Why was he silent for two years? Absalom murdered because he hadn’t learned how to deal with anger and frustration. He let it boil over inside until his inaction led to a horribly stupid action.
If we are going to be real men, William Wallace sort of men, we have to cut inaction and fear out of our lives. Sure, sometimes it is going to be difficult to act. Sometimes we will be fearful of what people will think. Sometimes we are going to be hypocrites because we are not perfect people. But inaction always brings consequences, not only on us, but directly upon our families as well.
I have heard it taught in church that staying low, under the radar, is the best approach for a Christian because by being neutral we are objective and we stay away from offending people by choosing a side. This is hogwash. And usually this approach is just hiding someone’s fear of acting.
Real men have backbones. Inaction frustrates and hurts wives, daughters, and sons. Our families are looking at us to be strong godly men, unafraid to act even when it’s uncomfortable. Our wives want to see us as protectors of the home. They want to know that if it’s necessary, we will pick up the sword when we must. Daughters need to know that their fathers think they’re valuable. They need to know that we will come to their aid and defense when they need it. Even if we have to do things that are uncomfortable and hard. Sons need to see fathers carry out their responsibility. Even when it’s hard. Sons become like their fathers. I hope that they would see a strong and capable father in you. A father who is not paralyzed by inaction.
May you act. May you come to your daughter’s defense. May you set a true example for your sons. And may you not boil over.
